(Written April, 2009)
My wife and I will be attending the ASU commencement on May 13 where our son will be receiving his Bachelor Degree and President Obama is scheduled to address the graduates. This is a miraculous occasion for us as September 11, 2008 marked a turning point in the life of our son, and consequently, the lives of our family and friends.
Our son, Graham, had his two best friends arrive in Phoenix that day to visit him for the weekend. That night, as they were returning home, Graham and one of his friends were brutally assaulted in what the media and police described was one of the most senseless and unprovoked brutal acts of violence they had ever encountered. I received word of the assault from a phone call from a detective on the afternoon of September 12 as I was at my home in Idaho. The only information we could access from the detective and the hospital was that Graham had bleeding on the brain, was on life support, in critical condition, and that his vital signs were stable.
My wife and I left immediately for Phoenix with little information and lots of prayer. We arrived to find him unconscious, but improving from a double craniotomy surgery, three plates and sixteen screws holding his skull together. The next few days are indescribable both in terms of fear and joy as he began a slow process to recovery. Until he awoke, the surgeon could only tell us that he was out of danger, but that we may be taking care of him the rest of our lives. Slow but steady improvements followed over the days in Critical Care and we, along with staff at the hospital, were in Awe of the progress he made. The common word in describing Graham, and his recovery, was, and is, "miracle".
During the rehabilitation and therapy that followed, Graham was questioned constantly as to the day, time, location, and other basic information that could be used to track his cognitive progress. Another common question was "who is the President of the United States"? Graham responded to these with varying success as his brain continued to heal, but with each day he became more determined to answer the questions correctly so that he "could go home and have his life back". As the Presidential campaign was at its height, I would constantly follow the therapist’s questions with one of my own..."who will be the next President of the United States?" Graham never failed to respond that it would be Barack Obama!
After weeks and months of continued medical attention and therapy, Graham was able to return to classes at ASU and finish the fall semester. He was able to vote in the election and I know who he voted for! On the night of the election, Graham, my other son, Jordan, who attends NYU, and I spent the evening texting "Yes, we can" back and forth to each other with a meaning even further expanded beyond what the President intended.
Graham is just completing his studies and will be among the thousands of ASU graduates listening to President Obama's speech that day. He called me the day that it was announced that the President would be the commencement speaker to inform me that he had decided to "walk" for graduation. It struck me that there was a day not too long ago that we only prayed for him to live, and that walking would truly be a miracle. I have become almost expectant of miracles as we have witnessed God's Grace and Hand so many times over the past nine months as He used doctors, family, and friends to bring us to this day. It is then just "another miracle" that the President would be Graham's graduation speaker.
I am not certain how the President will address the graduates, and I am doubtful that he will be able to shake all of those hands, but I am hopeful for Graham that he will "feel' the miracle of the President's presence, his message, his determination (which might even be equal to my son's!), and his spirit! If the President does shake their hands, please ask him to whisper in Graham's ear that "his Father, and his father, are both proud and love him dearly!" If this isn't possible, a quick phone call, text, e-mail, or Facebook wallpost will do...lol!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, November 20, 2008
More Miracles
Good Morning! It seems that it was a lifetime ago since I last sent an update regarding our son, Graham, and his miraculous recovery. In fact, November 12 marked the two month anniversary of his accident and the beginning of our new lives. I was tempted to refer to the past two months as new chapters in our lives, but I’m certain that we’re into a whole new book with a new Author and changed characters. Here’s the abridged version:
Tammi and I returned to Twin Falls a few weeks ago after Graham was discharged from speech and physical therapy. Originally, we had been told and anticipated that he would be in therapy for at least six weeks and that his recovery would take three to six months, so this news was truly miraculous. Leaving Graham in Phoenix was scary and heart-aching, but I’ve really toughened up and quit crying by the time we reached Ely!
Prior to leaving, we met with Dr. Zabramsky, the amazing neurosurgeon who had performed the brain surgery on Graham.. The nursing staff had informed us of his outstanding reputation as a surgeon, but had also warned us of his frank and brusque manner. We had experienced both in the Critical Care Unit, but he had already moved to our “angel” list, so we were anxious to see him again. In his office, he showed a complete different side as he teased Graham about his bizarre scars and hairdo. After his examination, he described the recovery as “dramatic “ and offered to show us Graham’s recent CT scans. With the Dr’s. guidance, it was easy to see the 3 plates, 16 screws, and a beautiful brain!
Graham had to go back to the hospital for a blood test as they were concerned that his sodium levels stay at a certain level that would promote healing of his brain. It was ironic that throughout his stay there that his greatest fear was a needle, which paled in comparison to scalpels, i.v’s, staples, and everything else he had encountered. When we arrived at the lab, he insisted that I go in with him so that he could hold my hand when they pricked him. I performed admirably and will continue to be available for that tough duty whenever he needs me!
Last Sunday, I returned to Phoenix to spend the week addressing a number of issues related to Graham’s health and the continuing investigation and court case. While driving there, I was uncertain about whether I’d made the right decision to return. Graham was not too excited about me reclaiming the spare bedroom in his house and was certain that he didn’t need my help. I believe that my words to him were something like “I’m your Dad and I know exactly what I need to do.” With strong resolve and not a clue about what I needed to do, I headed south!
I arrived in Phoenix at about 2:30am and couldn’t sleep after a 14 hour diet of foo- foo coffee, energy drinks and sunflower seeds. After a few hours of sleep, I got up earlier than any of the other occupants, although that’s not a big achievement in a house of college boys. As I have learned to do, I praised God for His miracles and prayed for His guidance, without any parameters! That was always easy to talk, but is now easy to walk!
And let the miracles begin….
· John Thompson, the lead detective in our case, called our house in Filer because he wanted to share news of the investigation with us. Tammi informed him that I was in Phoenix so Graham and I met with him later that afternoon. It was enlightening…and sickening…to read the 911 dialogue, the witness interviews, and especially the interviews with the defendants.
· On Tuesday, I took Graham to his follow up appointment with the neuropsychologist who had previously assessed Graham’s cognitive and psychological state. He reported that Graham had scored in the 95th percentile or above in all categories for his age and education peer group….miraculous!
· Tuesday was also my birthday and Graham treated me to dinner and a movie. I received numerous kind messages that day with a few who reminded me, thoughtfully but needlessly, that this was probably my best birthday ever! It was!
· On Wednesday, Graham and I met with the prosecutor assigned to this case. She seems to be very experienced and knowledgeable, but we are afraid that she is a victim of a system that over emphasizes efficiency, both in terms of time and cost. There is consideration of offering plea agreements to the defendants, which we neither understand nor support. We will continue to follow on this, but will leave it up to the ultimate Judge.
· I took Graham to classes on Thursday and had the opportunity to meet again with his advisor. As I mentioned earlier, the staff and faculty at ASU have been very supportive and Graham is still on schedule to graduate this spring…miraculous!
I returned to Twin Falls on Saturday night, having attempted to drive back via the scenic route through northern Arizona and Utah. Unfortunately, I missed most of the scenery as my departure was delayed by a bathroom that I absolutely had to clean before leaving! It was what a Dad had to do!
As this will probably be the last of my Graham updates, I am inclined to share a few thoughts that I hope to even come close to doing them justice via e-mail. I would prefer to deliver them in person, but I communicate best in the middle of the night and many of you probably wouldn’t join me then!
Our first miracle is Graham’s life and recovery. Our only regret is that the incident happened, but we have no regrets for any moment since as each minute brought one simple miracle after another.
Our second miracle is you…and you…and you! The prayers, love, and support that we received from family, friends, and strangers from literally around the world has been amazing. We only wanted and asked for your prayers and you delivered those and so much more! Thank you for the gifts of your love however you expressed it.
Another miracle for us is the gift of Perspective. I am renewed in my focus on what is truly important in my life and how I live. My God, my family, and my friends are all that I am. I love better, serve better, and live better! I learned this in a humbling and difficult way, but I am certain it was necessary for me. I pray for each of you to be a quicker study than me!
For today, I know that God is Great, Graham is great, and we (you’re now a part of that “we”) are great! Love from the Stanley’s XOXO
Tammi and I returned to Twin Falls a few weeks ago after Graham was discharged from speech and physical therapy. Originally, we had been told and anticipated that he would be in therapy for at least six weeks and that his recovery would take three to six months, so this news was truly miraculous. Leaving Graham in Phoenix was scary and heart-aching, but I’ve really toughened up and quit crying by the time we reached Ely!
Prior to leaving, we met with Dr. Zabramsky, the amazing neurosurgeon who had performed the brain surgery on Graham.. The nursing staff had informed us of his outstanding reputation as a surgeon, but had also warned us of his frank and brusque manner. We had experienced both in the Critical Care Unit, but he had already moved to our “angel” list, so we were anxious to see him again. In his office, he showed a complete different side as he teased Graham about his bizarre scars and hairdo. After his examination, he described the recovery as “dramatic “ and offered to show us Graham’s recent CT scans. With the Dr’s. guidance, it was easy to see the 3 plates, 16 screws, and a beautiful brain!
Graham had to go back to the hospital for a blood test as they were concerned that his sodium levels stay at a certain level that would promote healing of his brain. It was ironic that throughout his stay there that his greatest fear was a needle, which paled in comparison to scalpels, i.v’s, staples, and everything else he had encountered. When we arrived at the lab, he insisted that I go in with him so that he could hold my hand when they pricked him. I performed admirably and will continue to be available for that tough duty whenever he needs me!
Last Sunday, I returned to Phoenix to spend the week addressing a number of issues related to Graham’s health and the continuing investigation and court case. While driving there, I was uncertain about whether I’d made the right decision to return. Graham was not too excited about me reclaiming the spare bedroom in his house and was certain that he didn’t need my help. I believe that my words to him were something like “I’m your Dad and I know exactly what I need to do.” With strong resolve and not a clue about what I needed to do, I headed south!
I arrived in Phoenix at about 2:30am and couldn’t sleep after a 14 hour diet of foo- foo coffee, energy drinks and sunflower seeds. After a few hours of sleep, I got up earlier than any of the other occupants, although that’s not a big achievement in a house of college boys. As I have learned to do, I praised God for His miracles and prayed for His guidance, without any parameters! That was always easy to talk, but is now easy to walk!
And let the miracles begin….
· John Thompson, the lead detective in our case, called our house in Filer because he wanted to share news of the investigation with us. Tammi informed him that I was in Phoenix so Graham and I met with him later that afternoon. It was enlightening…and sickening…to read the 911 dialogue, the witness interviews, and especially the interviews with the defendants.
· On Tuesday, I took Graham to his follow up appointment with the neuropsychologist who had previously assessed Graham’s cognitive and psychological state. He reported that Graham had scored in the 95th percentile or above in all categories for his age and education peer group….miraculous!
· Tuesday was also my birthday and Graham treated me to dinner and a movie. I received numerous kind messages that day with a few who reminded me, thoughtfully but needlessly, that this was probably my best birthday ever! It was!
· On Wednesday, Graham and I met with the prosecutor assigned to this case. She seems to be very experienced and knowledgeable, but we are afraid that she is a victim of a system that over emphasizes efficiency, both in terms of time and cost. There is consideration of offering plea agreements to the defendants, which we neither understand nor support. We will continue to follow on this, but will leave it up to the ultimate Judge.
· I took Graham to classes on Thursday and had the opportunity to meet again with his advisor. As I mentioned earlier, the staff and faculty at ASU have been very supportive and Graham is still on schedule to graduate this spring…miraculous!
I returned to Twin Falls on Saturday night, having attempted to drive back via the scenic route through northern Arizona and Utah. Unfortunately, I missed most of the scenery as my departure was delayed by a bathroom that I absolutely had to clean before leaving! It was what a Dad had to do!
As this will probably be the last of my Graham updates, I am inclined to share a few thoughts that I hope to even come close to doing them justice via e-mail. I would prefer to deliver them in person, but I communicate best in the middle of the night and many of you probably wouldn’t join me then!
Our first miracle is Graham’s life and recovery. Our only regret is that the incident happened, but we have no regrets for any moment since as each minute brought one simple miracle after another.
Our second miracle is you…and you…and you! The prayers, love, and support that we received from family, friends, and strangers from literally around the world has been amazing. We only wanted and asked for your prayers and you delivered those and so much more! Thank you for the gifts of your love however you expressed it.
Another miracle for us is the gift of Perspective. I am renewed in my focus on what is truly important in my life and how I live. My God, my family, and my friends are all that I am. I love better, serve better, and live better! I learned this in a humbling and difficult way, but I am certain it was necessary for me. I pray for each of you to be a quicker study than me!
For today, I know that God is Great, Graham is great, and we (you’re now a part of that “we”) are great! Love from the Stanley’s XOXO
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
God and Angels
Good Afternoon!
We are overwhelmed with the prayers, love, and support that we have received from all of our friends and family at CSI, from the Magic Valley, and its seems from around the world! We know thai it is because of God's grace and your prayers and love that we are surviving this ordeal. I have never known the value of one minute, one hour, or one day like I know it today. We are looking forward to many more miracles and milestones!
To catch you up and to provide the most accurate information as I know it....last Friday afternoon, I received a call from Phoenix where our son Graham is attending ASU as a senior. Tempe police had identified Graham and a friend of his as victims of assault. The case is under investigation so I don't have and can't share many details. Graham's skull was fractured and he had hematomas on both sides of his brain. When I was contacted, we only knew that Graham had a brain injury, was on life support in critical condition, and his vital signs were stable. Tammi and I (with the help of my mom and our friends) caught the next flight out of Twin.
There are lots of miracles and details in between, but let me bring you to today! Because of God, prayers, great doctors, great nurses, great family, and great friends, we are here and surviving! Graham went through
surgery and we have received one miracle after another. He started with responses to questions, he now opens his eyes and talks to us, is eating soft foods, and even began some physical and speech therapy today! We hear that the road ahead will be a long one, but it is one that we look forward to traveling with God, Graham, and all of you!
I will try to keep you informed of our progress. For this moment, please know that God is great, we are okay, and you are angels! Please keep praying for Graham! XOXO
We are overwhelmed with the prayers, love, and support that we have received from all of our friends and family at CSI, from the Magic Valley, and its seems from around the world! We know thai it is because of God's grace and your prayers and love that we are surviving this ordeal. I have never known the value of one minute, one hour, or one day like I know it today. We are looking forward to many more miracles and milestones!
To catch you up and to provide the most accurate information as I know it....last Friday afternoon, I received a call from Phoenix where our son Graham is attending ASU as a senior. Tempe police had identified Graham and a friend of his as victims of assault. The case is under investigation so I don't have and can't share many details. Graham's skull was fractured and he had hematomas on both sides of his brain. When I was contacted, we only knew that Graham had a brain injury, was on life support in critical condition, and his vital signs were stable. Tammi and I (with the help of my mom and our friends) caught the next flight out of Twin.
There are lots of miracles and details in between, but let me bring you to today! Because of God, prayers, great doctors, great nurses, great family, and great friends, we are here and surviving! Graham went through
surgery and we have received one miracle after another. He started with responses to questions, he now opens his eyes and talks to us, is eating soft foods, and even began some physical and speech therapy today! We hear that the road ahead will be a long one, but it is one that we look forward to traveling with God, Graham, and all of you!I will try to keep you informed of our progress. For this moment, please know that God is great, we are okay, and you are angels! Please keep praying for Graham! XOXO
Blessings
Good Morning!
You may be surprised or concerned at the time of this e-mail, but I guarantee you that I have never been so happy to be up at this time! This morning finds me at Graham's bedside and his snoring has never sounded so beautiful! Tammi and are taking shifts staying with him in the hospital and I always prefer the 10pm to 4:00am as both the late nights and recliner fit me better.
Since my last e-mail, minutes and hours and days have multiplied and our blessings have kept pace! Here are a few of the highlights:
Graham has been moved from Level 1 Trauma (Critical Care) to Level 2 (2nd floor to 5th floor and closer to God) because of the improvement he has made
He has begun to eat soft foods, all of which he hates and complains about
Jordan (his younger brother) flew in from New York and was here for 24 hours before he had to return. It gave new meaning to "quality time" and was stuff that movies are made of. If Jordan would ever give permission, I would love to share the note he left for Graham. Tammi and I notice and celebrate every little quirk that returns as Graham improves. Most are done unconsciously, but we will never again be critical of nose-picking, scab-picking, drooling, or passing gas. They are signs of life!
A series of firsts occurred within the past 24 hours including his first smile, his first laugh, his first cry, his first shower (accompanied by two staff), his first walk (accompanied by two staff and one walker, but the best walk I ever saw!)
I could share a million other firsts, but my shift is almost over. I have shared with a few friends that I spend most of my time crying, but that 90% is from joy and just 10% from sadness. The sadness is of my own fault as I allow myself to look at the past instead of the future. The 90% and growing comes from the witnessing of miracles! God's grace and generosity has given me minutes, hours, and days with Him, Graham, Tammi, Jordan, family, and friends. The limitless kindness, generosity, love, and support expressed through prayer, e-mails, phone calls, texts, pictures, thoughts, and more have overwhelmed me....you make me cry and I thank you for that!
Please continue to pray and I will keep you updated. XOXO from the Stanley Family!
You may be surprised or concerned at the time of this e-mail, but I guarantee you that I have never been so happy to be up at this time! This morning finds me at Graham's bedside and his snoring has never sounded so beautiful! Tammi and are taking shifts staying with him in the hospital and I always prefer the 10pm to 4:00am as both the late nights and recliner fit me better.
Since my last e-mail, minutes and hours and days have multiplied and our blessings have kept pace! Here are a few of the highlights:
Graham has been moved from Level 1 Trauma (Critical Care) to Level 2 (2nd floor to 5th floor and closer to God) because of the improvement he has made
He has begun to eat soft foods, all of which he hates and complains about
Jordan (his younger brother) flew in from New York and was here for 24 hours before he had to return. It gave new meaning to "quality time" and was stuff that movies are made of. If Jordan would ever give permission, I would love to share the note he left for Graham. Tammi and I notice and celebrate every little quirk that returns as Graham improves. Most are done unconsciously, but we will never again be critical of nose-picking, scab-picking, drooling, or passing gas. They are signs of life!
A series of firsts occurred within the past 24 hours including his first smile, his first laugh, his first cry, his first shower (accompanied by two staff), his first walk (accompanied by two staff and one walker, but the best walk I ever saw!)
I could share a million other firsts, but my shift is almost over. I have shared with a few friends that I spend most of my time crying, but that 90% is from joy and just 10% from sadness. The sadness is of my own fault as I allow myself to look at the past instead of the future. The 90% and growing comes from the witnessing of miracles! God's grace and generosity has given me minutes, hours, and days with Him, Graham, Tammi, Jordan, family, and friends. The limitless kindness, generosity, love, and support expressed through prayer, e-mails, phone calls, texts, pictures, thoughts, and more have overwhelmed me....you make me cry and I thank you for that!
Please continue to pray and I will keep you updated. XOXO from the Stanley Family!
Milestones
Good Morning!
It is difficult to believe that just over a week has passed since Tammi and I arrived in Phoenix. In many ways, it feels like it has been months and in other ways, it feels like just a few days. We have certainly lost track of time as we measure more now by pills, meal times, and the reading of vital signs. Another milestone has passed as Graham's life has extended beyond one minute, to one hour, to one day, and we have arrived at one week! Not that I was ever too concerned about keeping track of time, but I guarantee that I will forever focus on the miracle of the moment with little regret about the past and little fret for the future.
The last few days have just been a blur for us as it seems that so much change and progress has occurred. A few of our highlights include:
Graham was able to have a visitor who is his roommate and close friend Derek. Their time together was the best therapy thus far as both boys laughed, joked, and made plans for the future.
I have been granted the official shower companion role. I was given the absolute blessing of giving Graham a shower and it is one of the greatest moments I've ever had with him. Washing him, rinsing him, and drying him are moments I wouldn't trade for any trophies, sports, hunting, or any other "guy" stuff.
Today, the nurses removed the balance of staples from Graham's incisions (approx. 75) and the stitches from his head. His cuts, abrasions, and bruises are healing well and his appetite is beginning to return as signaled by a cheeseburger on the menu tonight. He has lost nearly 30 pounds but I think we are headed back up!
He has been moved to the Rehabilitation wing and begins intensive physical, occupational, and speech therapy tomorrow. Tammi and I have learned so much from the doctors and nurses here and we are eager to continue our education with the therapy sessions.
We are meeting with Tempe law enforcement tomorrow and reviewing some of what happened. All four of the assailants have been arrested and confessed. Because of the nature of the case, Graham has never been listed by his real name and his location could not be disclosed. We had to be given a password and codename to access him, but we are not complaining! I am anxious for him to be given back his birth name and to share with you his codename!
I have moved beyond a few of my superstitions. While my faith and trust in God has been forever and immeasurably strengthened, I have always believed that it helps to be consistent! I finally rode a different elevator today, and tomorrow I may even park in a different spot! I am however not going to shave until Graham is able to shave!
I am in awe....of God's grace and God's hand in our lives! I am in awe of how He has supported us through all of you. You will never know the strength we gain through your prayers and thoughts...it is awesome!
Please continue to pray for Graham...XOXO from the Stanleys
It is difficult to believe that just over a week has passed since Tammi and I arrived in Phoenix. In many ways, it feels like it has been months and in other ways, it feels like just a few days. We have certainly lost track of time as we measure more now by pills, meal times, and the reading of vital signs. Another milestone has passed as Graham's life has extended beyond one minute, to one hour, to one day, and we have arrived at one week! Not that I was ever too concerned about keeping track of time, but I guarantee that I will forever focus on the miracle of the moment with little regret about the past and little fret for the future.
The last few days have just been a blur for us as it seems that so much change and progress has occurred. A few of our highlights include:
Graham was able to have a visitor who is his roommate and close friend Derek. Their time together was the best therapy thus far as both boys laughed, joked, and made plans for the future.
I have been granted the official shower companion role. I was given the absolute blessing of giving Graham a shower and it is one of the greatest moments I've ever had with him. Washing him, rinsing him, and drying him are moments I wouldn't trade for any trophies, sports, hunting, or any other "guy" stuff.
Today, the nurses removed the balance of staples from Graham's incisions (approx. 75) and the stitches from his head. His cuts, abrasions, and bruises are healing well and his appetite is beginning to return as signaled by a cheeseburger on the menu tonight. He has lost nearly 30 pounds but I think we are headed back up!
He has been moved to the Rehabilitation wing and begins intensive physical, occupational, and speech therapy tomorrow. Tammi and I have learned so much from the doctors and nurses here and we are eager to continue our education with the therapy sessions.
We are meeting with Tempe law enforcement tomorrow and reviewing some of what happened. All four of the assailants have been arrested and confessed. Because of the nature of the case, Graham has never been listed by his real name and his location could not be disclosed. We had to be given a password and codename to access him, but we are not complaining! I am anxious for him to be given back his birth name and to share with you his codename!
I have moved beyond a few of my superstitions. While my faith and trust in God has been forever and immeasurably strengthened, I have always believed that it helps to be consistent! I finally rode a different elevator today, and tomorrow I may even park in a different spot! I am however not going to shave until Graham is able to shave!
I am in awe....of God's grace and God's hand in our lives! I am in awe of how He has supported us through all of you. You will never know the strength we gain through your prayers and thoughts...it is awesome!
Please continue to pray for Graham...XOXO from the Stanleys
Miracles
Good Morning!
I have been anxious to send an update to all of you, but I'm glad to report that I've been either too busy or too tired to sit down at the keyboard. All of that translates to good news as we continue to be witness to one miracle after another. It may seem to you that I use that word, miracle, too often now, but I would argue that I just didn't recognize it often enough before. Let me give you just a sampling:
I was at home on Friday, September 12 when I received the call from Arizona about what had happened to Graham. In the previous 15 or more years, I had always traveled on that same Friday representing the College at the Northern Idaho Counselor's Day. This year, circumstances didn't allow for that and Silvia went in my place. As a result, I was able to meet Tammi at our home and we traveled together to Phoenix. I can't imagine making that trip separately or with more hours between us.
When Graham and his friend were beaten and lay unconscious on the street, they were found immediately by other students who called 911. The response time was absolutely critical in mitigating the potential damages of Graham's head injury.
The hospital that Graham was taken to specializes in traumatic brain injuries and the Level 1 trauma unit was incredible!
The doctor on call who performed the neuro surgery on Graham is from the well known Barrow Institute and has the reputation as one of the best neurosurgeons in Arizona, if not the nation. Graham is now his best reference!
Those are certainly some of the easiest to describe and each strikes me as miraculous because it could have so easily been different. The difference for us is God and the Grace and Mercy he has shown to us.
I have mentioned earlier that this ordeal had caused me to pay closer attention to the details and really value the moment. Some of my fellow "old-timers" at CSI might recall a guest lecturer, David Ellis (brother of CSI instructor Julie Ellis) who spoke at several orientations. His consistent message to students was to "be here now". I always liked the message and tried, with occasional success, to live that way. I am a full-fledged convert now and will try to convince the rest of you that it's a good place to be!
Last Friday, Graham was moved to the Rehabilitation Floor of the Scottsdale Health Clinic where he began a fairly rigorous schedule of rehab with speech, physical, and occupational therapists. Some major miracles included the removal of all staples, stitches, and diet restrictions. One of my most proud moments was to have Graham join my father, my brother, Tammi, and me in the hospital cafeteria. I was so proud to introduce him to the friends I'd made there, including Carlos, my Starbucks caffeine dealer! That same afternoon, Graham's physical therapist walked Graham (with Tammi and I trailing) through the Critical Care unit where we'd spent our first five days. Graham, thank God, couldn't remember anything about those days and Tammi and I remembered everything! Many of his nurses were there and their reactions are testimony to the miracle of his life. Graham enjoyed the celebrity status while I just cried! Incidentally, the Tempe police finally allowed Graham to be identified by his birth name. He came in as a John Doe without identification, was named and referred to throughout his stay as "Peanut Butter 66", and left as Graham Keith Stanley!
Graham has since been released to outpatient therapy and we have moved in with him and his two college roommates. It is an interesting, but necessary arrangement. Graham is not allowed to drive for three months and he has therapies, assessments, medications, and appointments daily. Graham has struggled with losing some of his independence and we probably struggle equally allowing it. I had an enlightening conversation with him this morning when he complained about wanting his life to be like it was. It was what I would expect a 22 year old son to say, but I offered my 50 year old father's perspective. Of course, there was a little distance between the perspectives, but I'll keep working on him!
Please forgive my long-winded reports, but these are part of my therapy! I have a strong need to share our news, our joy, and our faith. We remain convinced that God has carried Graham through these days and that your prayers, love, and support have inspired us. Please keep praying for Graham! XOXO from the Stanleys...
I have been anxious to send an update to all of you, but I'm glad to report that I've been either too busy or too tired to sit down at the keyboard. All of that translates to good news as we continue to be witness to one miracle after another. It may seem to you that I use that word, miracle, too often now, but I would argue that I just didn't recognize it often enough before. Let me give you just a sampling:
I was at home on Friday, September 12 when I received the call from Arizona about what had happened to Graham. In the previous 15 or more years, I had always traveled on that same Friday representing the College at the Northern Idaho Counselor's Day. This year, circumstances didn't allow for that and Silvia went in my place. As a result, I was able to meet Tammi at our home and we traveled together to Phoenix. I can't imagine making that trip separately or with more hours between us.
When Graham and his friend were beaten and lay unconscious on the street, they were found immediately by other students who called 911. The response time was absolutely critical in mitigating the potential damages of Graham's head injury.
The hospital that Graham was taken to specializes in traumatic brain injuries and the Level 1 trauma unit was incredible!
The doctor on call who performed the neuro surgery on Graham is from the well known Barrow Institute and has the reputation as one of the best neurosurgeons in Arizona, if not the nation. Graham is now his best reference!
Those are certainly some of the easiest to describe and each strikes me as miraculous because it could have so easily been different. The difference for us is God and the Grace and Mercy he has shown to us.
I have mentioned earlier that this ordeal had caused me to pay closer attention to the details and really value the moment. Some of my fellow "old-timers" at CSI might recall a guest lecturer, David Ellis (brother of CSI instructor Julie Ellis) who spoke at several orientations. His consistent message to students was to "be here now". I always liked the message and tried, with occasional success, to live that way. I am a full-fledged convert now and will try to convince the rest of you that it's a good place to be!
Last Friday, Graham was moved to the Rehabilitation Floor of the Scottsdale Health Clinic where he began a fairly rigorous schedule of rehab with speech, physical, and occupational therapists. Some major miracles included the removal of all staples, stitches, and diet restrictions. One of my most proud moments was to have Graham join my father, my brother, Tammi, and me in the hospital cafeteria. I was so proud to introduce him to the friends I'd made there, including Carlos, my Starbucks caffeine dealer! That same afternoon, Graham's physical therapist walked Graham (with Tammi and I trailing) through the Critical Care unit where we'd spent our first five days. Graham, thank God, couldn't remember anything about those days and Tammi and I remembered everything! Many of his nurses were there and their reactions are testimony to the miracle of his life. Graham enjoyed the celebrity status while I just cried! Incidentally, the Tempe police finally allowed Graham to be identified by his birth name. He came in as a John Doe without identification, was named and referred to throughout his stay as "Peanut Butter 66", and left as Graham Keith Stanley!
Graham has since been released to outpatient therapy and we have moved in with him and his two college roommates. It is an interesting, but necessary arrangement. Graham is not allowed to drive for three months and he has therapies, assessments, medications, and appointments daily. Graham has struggled with losing some of his independence and we probably struggle equally allowing it. I had an enlightening conversation with him this morning when he complained about wanting his life to be like it was. It was what I would expect a 22 year old son to say, but I offered my 50 year old father's perspective. Of course, there was a little distance between the perspectives, but I'll keep working on him!
Please forgive my long-winded reports, but these are part of my therapy! I have a strong need to share our news, our joy, and our faith. We remain convinced that God has carried Graham through these days and that your prayers, love, and support have inspired us. Please keep praying for Graham! XOXO from the Stanleys...
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Progress
One minute…one hour…one day…one week…one month!
As I am writing this, Graham is in the next room trying his best to convince the doctor that his driver’s license should be reinstated! His priorities and ours are still a bit different, but as educators, we all certainly understand the importance of motivation, so if the ability to drive is the carrot, we are good with that! Typical of patients who have experienced traumatic brain injury, but even more typical of Graham, is the attitude that everything is okay and that he sees no limitations as to what he can do. That attitude, of course, translates to the daily question of when are we leaving, but our ability to cook a little, clean a little, and shop a lot (for groceries) has earned us a few extra weeks!
I have decided that this process is much like having the opportunity to raise your child again, except this version is on fast forward and Tammi and I are just a little more experienced and perhaps a bit wiser. While I would never have asked for this, it is truly a Divine gift that we have been given. As Tammi and I were flying to Phoenix, we only prayed that Graham would be alive when we arrived and God has given us so much more! Essentially , Graham was re-born on September 12, 2008 and in just a month, we have witnessed some incredible events as a part of his remarkable recovery. Here are just a few of the latest miracles…
Graham has returned to his college classes. His ASU advisor and faculty have been very supportive and accommodating. I have driven him to and from classes, another one of those parental duties that I’m thrilled to repeat!
Graham recently completed an appointment with an ENT as there was a concern about fluid leaking from his ear and possible damage to his throat and vocal chords. The ear had a tear in the drum that seems to be healing and the throat and vocal chords looked good. He continues to have numbness over much of the left side of his face and chin but the doctor is quite certain that will improve with time!
Because the right side of his brain sustained greater damage, Graham has struggled with his coordination on the left side of his body. We have played cards, darts, video games, and, after a little trash talking, I finally got him to play me in a little basketball. He gets frustrated easily, but his improvement is dramatic! He wanted to try jogging a few days ago and went a few blocks before he discovered me trailing him about 25 yards behind, which he was not very impressed with. I went to the other side of the road, but he quickly returned home before many neighbors saw this father/son spectacle!
Graham is continuing with physical and speech therapy weekly and will have another CT scan this week and meet with the Neurosurgeon. He also meets with the Rehabilitation doctor next week to assess his recovery thus far and with the Neuropsychologist to review the results of his 6-hour examination, a test that Graham described as exhausting and the most difficult one he has ever taken.
Tammi went to New York last week to see Jordan perform in a college musical and to help return a little normalcy in our lives. She returned to Twin Falls just long enough to see a few friends, grab underwear and socks, spoil our pets, and witness a snow storm as she headed south for Phoenix! Our house and animals were in great shape, thanks again to the generosity of many friends and family!
While Tammi was gone, I cooked and cleaned for Graham and his two college roommates. I can now whip up some pretty mean French toast, omelets, hamburgers, hot dogs, and frozen taquitos , but I would admit that my audience was not very sophisticated in their tastes. They rarely complained and
didn’t even mind being served on paper plates!
Last Sunday, I attended church with my sister and niece who live in Chandler. I am less surprised these days when God leads me to another awakening or reminder of His purpose. The youth pastor led the service and reminded all of us to be thankful for “every breath” we take….and that if we have difficult questions, the “answer is God”. I was certain that God brought me to this church…on this day…for these words. My response was, like it is often these days, to cry with joy.
Thanks so much for all of the love and support that we receive from all of you! XOXO from the Stanleys
PS… If you are interested, a local television station interviewed Graham and did a nice job of telling the story of his accident. It can be accessed at http://www.kpho.com/video/17670631/index.html
As I am writing this, Graham is in the next room trying his best to convince the doctor that his driver’s license should be reinstated! His priorities and ours are still a bit different, but as educators, we all certainly understand the importance of motivation, so if the ability to drive is the carrot, we are good with that! Typical of patients who have experienced traumatic brain injury, but even more typical of Graham, is the attitude that everything is okay and that he sees no limitations as to what he can do. That attitude, of course, translates to the daily question of when are we leaving, but our ability to cook a little, clean a little, and shop a lot (for groceries) has earned us a few extra weeks!
I have decided that this process is much like having the opportunity to raise your child again, except this version is on fast forward and Tammi and I are just a little more experienced and perhaps a bit wiser. While I would never have asked for this, it is truly a Divine gift that we have been given. As Tammi and I were flying to Phoenix, we only prayed that Graham would be alive when we arrived and God has given us so much more! Essentially , Graham was re-born on September 12, 2008 and in just a month, we have witnessed some incredible events as a part of his remarkable recovery. Here are just a few of the latest miracles…
Graham has returned to his college classes. His ASU advisor and faculty have been very supportive and accommodating. I have driven him to and from classes, another one of those parental duties that I’m thrilled to repeat!
Graham recently completed an appointment with an ENT as there was a concern about fluid leaking from his ear and possible damage to his throat and vocal chords. The ear had a tear in the drum that seems to be healing and the throat and vocal chords looked good. He continues to have numbness over much of the left side of his face and chin but the doctor is quite certain that will improve with time!
Because the right side of his brain sustained greater damage, Graham has struggled with his coordination on the left side of his body. We have played cards, darts, video games, and, after a little trash talking, I finally got him to play me in a little basketball. He gets frustrated easily, but his improvement is dramatic! He wanted to try jogging a few days ago and went a few blocks before he discovered me trailing him about 25 yards behind, which he was not very impressed with. I went to the other side of the road, but he quickly returned home before many neighbors saw this father/son spectacle!
Graham is continuing with physical and speech therapy weekly and will have another CT scan this week and meet with the Neurosurgeon. He also meets with the Rehabilitation doctor next week to assess his recovery thus far and with the Neuropsychologist to review the results of his 6-hour examination, a test that Graham described as exhausting and the most difficult one he has ever taken.
Tammi went to New York last week to see Jordan perform in a college musical and to help return a little normalcy in our lives. She returned to Twin Falls just long enough to see a few friends, grab underwear and socks, spoil our pets, and witness a snow storm as she headed south for Phoenix! Our house and animals were in great shape, thanks again to the generosity of many friends and family!
While Tammi was gone, I cooked and cleaned for Graham and his two college roommates. I can now whip up some pretty mean French toast, omelets, hamburgers, hot dogs, and frozen taquitos , but I would admit that my audience was not very sophisticated in their tastes. They rarely complained and
didn’t even mind being served on paper plates!Last Sunday, I attended church with my sister and niece who live in Chandler. I am less surprised these days when God leads me to another awakening or reminder of His purpose. The youth pastor led the service and reminded all of us to be thankful for “every breath” we take….and that if we have difficult questions, the “answer is God”. I was certain that God brought me to this church…on this day…for these words. My response was, like it is often these days, to cry with joy.
Thanks so much for all of the love and support that we receive from all of you! XOXO from the Stanleys
PS… If you are interested, a local television station interviewed Graham and did a nice job of telling the story of his accident. It can be accessed at http://www.kpho.com/video/17670631/index.html
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